Easier said than done.

Music: Justin Bieber, Baby..haha :D

So true. It's been a while since I last wrote here. It is easier said than done, indeed. I just said, I will go out of my comfort zone and live independently and bammm..I'm shipped out. haha. I imagined it would be smooth sailing and I'd have what I wanted, I'd live how I wanted to live, but it's different in reality...especially when you have to live with others, you just got to know...I needed to adjust not only to the new country, new culture, new accent, new weather, but to how it is here, where I am "squatting" in temporarily.

There is always the feeling that eyes are watching you. Everything you do, you must do carefully...That's it. You need to adjust, even if it's not how you do things usually or at home. You'll know what I mean...You have to do chores, even if you don't do it at home, or even if you don't want to do them yet, or just plainly, you don't want to do them. You have to be okay and not be tired even when you already are or not well. I'm not complaining. I've accepted the fact that I have to do some share as a temp housemate..hehe...Everything in moderation, 'cause I'm not living in my own house,am not spending on my own food, electricity and internet. It seemed easy, I'll seem at ease, but once in a while, I'll realize I'm in a different family. I feel alienated at times. I guess it can't be helped...Even when I want to share or buy my personal stuff...it will seem weird to share or not share. Sometimes, I'd think, if I buy this, it might seem that I don't need their help or care less about what they offer, but all I want is to fend for myself..haha, I didn't imagine, that buying snacks like biscuits can be a dilemma, because they already have those (which I am too shy to eat even if I want to), but I just want to eat my own snacks..haha..I sometimes find myself in between feelings of nahihiya, naiilang or being not in control of what I want to do, eat and stuff...halo halo..so it's really not easy to live with others, no matter how good they are, kasi mahihiya ka na lang or mag-iisip kung ok pa ba? ok lang ba? It's not always like this, though. lalo na when we go out of town, watch movie. I have fun, too, but sometimes reality just strikes...and it's not always as easy as it looks and as it's said.


I know I have to go through all these from my first step here, to looking for work and all the rest. I have to go through these to make everything ahead of me more worth while, more precious and so I can be better and be ready to be ON MY OWN. I can't wait for that to happen, to be out of any comfort zone. It will come soon and I'd be prepared.